Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
