VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
