She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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