Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize