I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
