my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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