is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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