'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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