just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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