threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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