sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
