If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize