is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
