shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
