I wanna passion pit in your ass
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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