i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
