This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
