she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
