Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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