This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
