I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
