all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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