I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
