After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
