i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
