one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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