Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
