i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
