Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
