I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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