found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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