i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i came on her dog
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
