How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
