I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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