He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize