My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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