I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize