just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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