You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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