Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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