There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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