She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
