Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
