WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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