DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
