We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
