A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
