The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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