you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
