There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
