Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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