yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
