Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
