ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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