the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
