Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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