it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
