i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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