thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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