he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
