so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
