Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
