I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I cannot find my penis.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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