You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
