Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
