the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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