I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
